


submerged in water

by kareofbears



Series: Escapril [12]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Fluff, Introspection, M/M, We live in a society, thrilling saga of Akira not being in the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23616562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kareofbears/pseuds/kareofbears
Summary: Ryuji's been in love three times in his life.Well, not really.
Relationships: Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Sakamoto Ryuji & Takamaki Ann
Series: Escapril [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685116
Kudos: 115





	submerged in water

Ryuji's been in love three times in his life.

Well, not really. He'd read about it in a manga a couple times, watched enough movies, seen enough couples to think _hey, being in love looks kinda neat._ Sure, the only love he'd seen up close was with his mom and dad, and, well, that doesn't really count. But still, he knew that love was supposed to be a good thing, like a little charm that made you and the other person happy, batting away any negativity that may be.

The girl in his first year of middle school isn’t what he’d consider to be love, but more of a yearning for it. She confessed to him in a little love note, filled to the brim with 3D stickers. She was cute. They'd hung out a couple times, walked around the school during break, and even had the courage to hold hands at one point. Ryuji remembered being happy—he reveled in the attention, in being able to say that he has someone who _wants_ him. Then next week rolls around, and both of them simply forgot that they were supposed to be in love. It lasted all of five days.

The next love of Ryuji's life was in the name of a girl named Takamaki Ann, a girl in middle school which he's pretty sure is the love of many other people in his school. She's funny, she's fierce, and she's a knockout if Ryuji's ever seen one, even enough to beat out the celebrities in the cheesy magazines his mom likes to indulge herself in once in awhile—she's everything Ryuji is supposed to go for, someone who he's supposed to see and think 'she's the one.' How could he _not_ fall in love with her if everyone else is? So from then on, every time he saw her he'd pretend to feel butterflies, try to puff out his chest, try to act every bit as cool as he's supposed to be. Because that’s how it’s supposed to work, right?

But as time moved on, he realized that, no, he wasn't in love. Ann's like a sibling he's never had, the annoying sister who likes to pull on his hair and call him names and someone to binge cringey dramas with way past midnight on a Tuesday. She's one of his best friends, one that'll stick with him even when they're old and gray and wrinkly all over. They're soulmates, made for each other—just not in the way he initially thought. They wouldn't have worked anyway, they're too similar to each other in ways that wouldn't have lasted in that kind of relationship. He wasn’t in love with her, but by god does he love her so much.

The third is the only time Ryuji felt truly and absolutely in love.

It was an achingly slow process, like a canal being filled to the brim by rainfall: subtle, gradual, and natural—it was a build-up that Ryuji couldn't have tried to predict if he had tried. Sometimes it was little things adding up; running side by side around the school, shoveling ramen down their throats like their life depended on it, bursting out laughing at inappropriate times while watching bad movies. Sometimes it was big things—seeing him manifest an entire demon just to protect Ryuji from horrifying mental manifestations, or quietly confessing that freedom felt like being by his side, words flowing out of him without understanding what he’s even trying to say.

The third time is what hurt Ryuji the most, leaving him light-headed with joy and confusion—it made him question himself, forced him to battle his own emotions head-on. It made him wonder if feeling what he did was something that was allowed to be felt, but every high five, every smile that lingered a little too long, every late-night phone call washed his doubt, far and away.

Love wasn't what he expected it to be. There were no butterflies in his stomach, no grand firework show where they were supposed to blush under colorful explosions, definitely no first kiss in the rain. It's steady, it's grounding, it pushes him to be better. It's not a charm, but what he got instead was trust and commitment. The bad shit is still here, it always will be, but he's got someone to help him sort through it. 

Ryuji from elementary and middle school probably would've scoffed and stuck his tongue out at that.

At 17 years old, he realizes, a bit belatedly, while looking down at a snoring Akira beside him, black hair sticking up as if trying to communicate with aliens, wrapped in a thick comforter he snatched from Ryuji earlier that night, that if this is what love means, then he'd take this over a little charm any day of the week.

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this one right when i finished watching les mis and i don't know why i feel like i should tell you that


End file.
